If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize