i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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