did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
