Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
