I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Plan B is the new Plan A
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
