sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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