you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize