I must be too annoying 4 u.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
