I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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