I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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