Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Quick, to the slutcave!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
