Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
