Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
