It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
