you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
