Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
