you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
