This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
