dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
