i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I only lived at night.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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