he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
