Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
