i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
