That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
