Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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