well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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