Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
