low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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