I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
