she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
