So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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