He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
