his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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