I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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