i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
