Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They are going to name an STD after you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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