Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
