Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
