If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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