I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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