I'm so fucking centered right now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
