"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
