Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
