Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize