i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
