I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize