You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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