Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
