i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
