Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
