Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
