If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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