my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
