i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
