im drinking this country out of the recession.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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