Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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