alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
