I think my vagina is haunted
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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