I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Im part way to drunk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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