Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So much rum. So many feels.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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