Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
