She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
