i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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