just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
