I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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