Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
