At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
