I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
